Reconnecting to You Lord...

Lord,

If my heart is like a well, then I have become shallow. I used to enjoy a really deep relationship with You. One that's so strong and so passionate. I remember crying whenever I felt that my heart was drifting away. I was so afraid of losing You.

Whenever I recall how much we went through together, especially when Joe was in the hospital, I get a faint memory of how intensely I prayed to You for His life. Lord, the past is but a breeze in my memory now but I know that we went through intense things together.

Lord, I can't even put into words how I miss the time that all I could think of was You. I ran to You when I opened my eyes in the morning and called on You before I slept at night. You were my fortress and deliver. No one could give me comfort except You.

How quickly I have forgotten what You have done for me Oh Lord. You have brought me far from the time you picked me up from the pit. My sad past no longer has its hold on me. I was younger back then but I how grateful I was that You saved me!

Lord, I wish I could describe your goodness to me with the most perfect words. I wish I could really, really proclaim your goodness but alas, I am lost for words. But, I have all the memories inside my heart, Lord and I will not forgot how You've come through for me again and again.

Lord, I am still saddened when I remember about almost losing my husband. I didn't even imagine what inner strength You have given me until You pushed me to the limit. Looking back, I don't know if I can bear to go through another heart breaking time. I am scared to even think about it. But I remember all the prayers I said. I remember praying and begging and pleading for Joe's life. I remember all the tears I shed before You. I remember all the sisters who prayed and wrestled with me and I hope they are all in good hands now.

Lord, the future ahead is bleak for I don't know what tomorrow holds. Lord, even now, I am in a maze but You are not. You know exactly where You are leading our lives into. There will be sad and happy times. There will be celebrations and utter mourning. Oh Lord, if only I wasn't born into this world! I wish I was just one of your angels in heaven, praising and serving You all day and night. As it is, I have to go through life, loving people only to lose them at one point of my life. Lord, what a painful life we have here on earth!

Father, I pray that you take me away before my loved ones. I am not sure I can handle losing any of them. You know what I can bear. You know what's best for me.

Father, whom do I have in heaven and earth but You? You alone knows what lies ahead. IT will be wise of me to remain in You. With you, I can be sure that all things will go according to a divine and perfect plan. Lord, give me the strength, heart, dedication, to accept the lot you have given me in life.

Lord, may I ever be faithful to You in all circumstance. May I always believe that life goes as You planned and your plans are for the best. Lord, for whatever reason You allowed Joe and myself to go through such a tough, tough time...Lord, may your will be done.

I love you still. Please help me find my way back to You. I love you Lord. Amen.